Spring Rush

So yesterday as I was driving home, my head spinning with the million of things that need to get done in the next week/month/3 months, my stomach was flipping with anxiety and I was frustrated that going 80 MPH on the freeway wasn’t getting anything accomplished, that I realized it was that time of year again. I don’t think I remember a spring in the last 10 years that wasn’t packed full of crap. From family obligations, faire obligations, work, and just regular life stuff packed on. I look ahead at the next three months and see that every weekend is packed. Not just packed with something in the afternoon, but packed that I’ll be sleeping in a whole hour from the weekdays to the weekend and I’ll be lucky to get in bed at a decent hour (which for me these days is 10 pm).

I was hoping that this year would be different. I subtracted a whole 12 hours a week for school and probably about another 15-20 hours in study time. That should have given me GREAT relief!! It didn’t. I cannot believe how quckly those hours filled up. And honestly I’m not sure I can tell you exactly what they filled up with. Sewing this dress has been a lot of it. I’ll be so very happy when it’s finally done. Not to mention that the deadline is QUICKLY approaching and I am seriously considering calling in sick a few days next week to work on it. Until then, any free time I have is spent sewing. Not helped by the fact that I’ve taken to hand sewing a lot of it just to make sure the detail is perfect and because I want full blown arthritis by the time I’m 35.

It’s times like these that I seriously wonder if I could handle anymore. I’m planning to start grad school this fall. And it’s freaking me out. We’re trying to have a baby. But I think I would be a huge fat fail as a mother. I can’t even get my own shit together. So what the heck am I thinking that I could add a baby to this mess? My house is still as much of a disaster as it was when we moved in three months ago, and I just don’t see being able to make any changes to that for at least another three. Though my mother keeps calling and asking when she can bring the desk and hope chest over that we don’t have room for because everything is still in boxes.

So there’s not really a conclusion to this post. It’s just me freaking out. Really freaking out. I’m feeling very overwhelmed and out of control. I know “it’ll all work out”, but I know that it’s definitely more than likely that at least one or two balls will get dropped along the way and I just have to think through the priorities so I know what balls I can afford to drop with the least amount of damage. Excuse me while I go breath into a paper bag and get drunk.