In-Laws

Look at this! Another post!! Wow, I’m jammin now!! Does anybody use the phrase “jammin” anymore? If not, I’m totally bringing back. Tell your friends.
So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my in-laws. In my whole life of hoping and planning to one day meet a guy that would actually be duped fall in love and marry me, I don’t think I every gave too much thought into my future in-laws. (Of course, let me just say, all that planning for future husband does nothing to truly prepare you for some of the odd things you encounter when living with a boy. Wow. You think having a brother or father prepares you? It doesn’t)

Of course I hoped/assumed that I would have in-laws that were easy to get along with, kind, loving, and supportive, all that jazz. What I wasn’t really prepared for was that it’s just not that simple. Adding a whole new collective family into your life means that they are now a part of your life, all of it, their baggage, struggles, troubles as much as their love and support. You can’t separate from it.

I consider myself pretty lucky in the in-law department. I have heard some HORROR stories and I am so blessed that my in-laws don’t come anywhere close to that. They have always been accepting and loving. They don’t interfere with our lives and marriage. Sometimes I’m not sure they have any clue what to do with me. I have a very snarky sense of humor, and it was a while before they realized when I talked about marinating babies in teriyaki and BBQing them for dinner, that I was just kidding. Really. But babies do taste like chicken. Just sayin.

But as I said, along with the good comes the bad. And Chris’s family certainly has their issues. It’s strange for me to be in this position. They’re not strangers, they’re problems effect me, they concern me. I worry for them pray for them, and hope things will turn out ok. I listen to the problems and try and offer support and advice. But at the same time, there are boundaries. It’s not my place to say what I feel needs to be said sometimes. It’s not my place to interfere. I see my husband so full of worry and concern as he tries to sort through the issues facing his family. It feels like any advice I have to offer is so inadequate. My family has always been fairly stable. That isn’t to say we haven’t had (or have) our own (rather large) issues. But it’s completely different now. There is only so much Chris can do and even less I can do, but just support him as he carries the burdens that are placed on him. I hate it. I want to make it all go away, but I can’t. All I can do is sit by and watch events unfold and hope that in the end that there is a purpose to it all and everything will be ok. I’ve learned that I can do more good by shutting my big mouth and just listening. But I feel so helpless.

It’s certainly strange adding a whole new family into your life. It wasn’t as automatic as I thought it would be. In some ways it was, but I don’t think I was expecting the emotional impact that it’s been for me and for us. We’ve all heard the phrase “no family is perfect” and that’s so very true. I guess I just never really understood when I said “I do” that it meant so much more than just accepting my husband for all he is. It meant accepting a whole new imperfect family and all that they are into my life. One that I’m going to be a part of for the rest of it.

I love my in-laws for all their issues and problem. They have expanded my horizons to new things and new ideas. They accepted me with no reservations and made me a part of their family and traditions. And I’m very lucky. I just wish I could help them more.