Moving On

At least preparing to. Two years I was moved into a nice middle level position with the Federal Government. A good stable and flexible job with good benefits and promotion and movement opportunities up the wazoo. Sure it's nowhere near what I'm in any way passionate about. On a daily basis I feel the life being sucked out of my soul and I see those that have been here for 20+ years as either walking corpses or someone who has set up their own mini empire, convinced this base cannot function without them, even though in reality they do nothing and they will more than likely die at their desk because it's all they have left in life. But it pays the bills, helped pay for our house, and pays nicely enough that combined with Chris's job we're comfortable.

And I guess that's the key word. Comfortable. I can easily find myself comfortable here. This job can quickly become a career before I even knew what was happening. I'm paying into a retirement that one day could be my soul source of income. I know my job. I'm familiar with the environment here. I grew up on an Air Force base, so really, it's an essential part of who I am. A huge piece of my life. To find a job somewhere else would mean I'd be leaving that piece behind. Which is really scary.

I had never intended to spend my life here. When I started in a temporary part time job seven years ago, I had no idea I would find myself here. In fact of all the temporary students around from those days, I think I'm the only one still here. Which I consider extremely lucky. I've been right where I needed to be for as long as I've been here. And as the last two years have passed I've become quite comfortable. Since graduating in 2009 it's become increasingly tempting to build a career here. Not the career I've always wanted for myself. But one that's good enough.

But, in contrast, over the last few months there have been small indications that this is not the place for me to set down roots. Nothing specifically big, just little things. It has become increasingly clear to me that I need to get out. I need to move on.

So I'm getting ready too. I applied to grad school and this week was officially accepted. I figure even though it won't be easy and I'm not exactly looking forward to going back to school. I at least owe it to myself to try. To take three years and work towards the career I know I really want.

I'm both excited and terrified. I hope I can do this. Just one year out of school and I'm afraid I've lost my momentum. That I won't be able to keep up anymore. But at the same time I'm really excited to be doing this for myself. To be learning more about what I'm passionate about. And that I'm taking steps that will hopefully open new doors for me.

We are going to continue TTC. I don't want to stop. I feel school is the place I need to be at right now, so I just need to trust that if I got KU it will work out somehow. I may need to take a break it I do. I really hope we don't have to wait another 3 years before we can have a baby. But I also can't keep putting this off just because I *might* get pregnant someday. And that's a BIG might at this point. So we'll just jump of that bridge when we come to it.

But overall, I'm really excited. I'm looking forward to this and the changes it means for Chris's and my future. So back to school I go!