January wasn't so bad and seemed to flow pretty nicely making me think that 2011 might be a decent year. Then February came and bitch slapped me across the face. I'm really not at liberty to go into any kind of details of the events over the last six days, but let me just say they have been hard.
Emotionally I'm drained. I actually haven't cried at all yet. Been close several times, but I actually haven't been able to. Which means sometime in the near future, something small is going to completely break me into a thousand pieces. So ya, I'm looking forward to that.
This has been one of the few events in my life that has actually made me question my faith. Now I've definitely had questions about my faith before and questioned whether or not God truly loved me or that he had my best interest in mind during certain trials. But this time was different. This event and the events leading up to it truly leave me at a loss. They seem so contrary to what I know of God's character. I've heard of similar events happening to others and could still believe that God is supreme and has a plan. But this happening so close, brought me face to face with the big question, if there is a God, than why?
I still don't have an answer as to why. I'm not sure I'll have one anytime soon. But I do know that I need to hang onto my faith. I have to believe that there is an answer to the why even though I can't see it. I have to believe that there is a reason for all of this. There is more to all of this, I'm just not sure how to put it into words right now.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD."As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
On the lighter side, while Chris and I were out of town on our emergency trip, my parents managed to set off our house alarm no less than three times. Twice in one day. The cats were a little traumatized when we got home.
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