In case you couldn't tell, life has been a bit heavy lately. No it's not really any better. It just is. And while I am a firm believer of not decreasing the severity of life's negative experiences just to make people feel more comfortable, I do believe that if we don't try to at least have some positive remembrances, than the negative will just swallow us whole. Though when life seems so heavy, it can be so much harder to find the positive, I think it's still important to find what you can and hold onto it.
So, on that note, I thought I'd talk about my very first Valentine. But contrary to what you may be thinking, this isn't a story of a little girl and boy's childhood crush or a young teen's first adventure into what love could be. It's actually a confession.
Though my heart (or hormones, you know, whatever) certainly wanted an adoring boy in my life, I spent 88% of my teen years alone, pining over some boy who was just AMAZING, but either didn't know I was more than a random girl in school or more than "just a friend". I didn't finally have my very first boyfriend until I was 18 (more technically 18 years and 10 months, hence the 88%). I had only had my first kiss about a month before. But I did graduate from high school with a genuine boyfriend, a relationship that lasted about two months.
After that into my very early 20's I followed my usual pattern of pining after the unattainable. When I was about 23 I seemed to finally find my confidence enough to realize boys weren't so unattainable. I dated a bit here and there, had some minor relationships and one major one. But through them all, as a matter of time, I never had even a blind date for Valentine's Day.
Until 2005. Chris and I met in late 2004 and, by Valentine's Day of 2005 we were very much in the early stages of our love. I do remember V-day was on a Monday and I had class and Chris was out of town for his job. So we went out to dinner a few days early and Chris gave me a heart necklace that I still wear almost every day. It wasn't the most romantic day in history, but I didn't care. I had never really built any expectations for V-day. It had always just been another day to me. But this time, it was enough just to know I had someone to call all mine on Valentine's Day.
Yes, I know Valentine's is really just a day for Hallmark to make some extra bucks on lots of sappy cards (I HATE sappy cards BTW, I should go into that on another post sometime). And has just been glorified into a bunch of pointless non-sense. We rarely do anything extravagant for Valentine's day, and I never expect much. I certainly don't like to waste money on bunches of flowers that'll die in a week, that's if the cat doesn't get to them first, or balloons or stuffed bears (because seriously, what the hell am I gonna do with a million small stuffed bears? Is it rude to throw them away after a few days?). But all of that isn't the point of this post. And yes, there is a point.
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