My Chemical Romance

So I've always loved music. I'm not too picky. I think there is at least one song of each genre that I like. Some genres I of course like better, but I have never really been one to focus on one type let along a single band that I liked enough to actually consider myself a fan of. And I mean a fan like, gets to know the members of the band, their story, and actually build an emotional attachment with that artist and their music. There have been very few that for me have stood out enough for me to put forth that effort. About seven years ago I heard a song that caught my attention called "I'm Not OK" by My Chemical Romance. Rarely has a single song caught my attention enough for me to be pulled into the world of the artist, but this song did it. It was the anthem of my high school years, though it was late, I had fallen in love with it. Enough that I began my emotional love affair with the band. The more research I did into the group the more of a connection I felt to them. They are generally my age, and their life stories are all relatable. As well as their music has a dramatic flair that I just adore with a twisted sense of humor that captures my heart.

They just released their fourth CD in November and if you want my opinion, you would be doing yourself a favor to pick it up. In celebration of this brand new album, that we've waited four years for, my friend Alyson and I went to see them in concert. I was lucky enough to see them three and a half years ago on their Black Parade tour, but I was so ready for some new live MCR. And they so did not disappoint. They played at a Christmas Concert series, so they were the second headliners on the night and by far the show the crowd most enjoyed. It was just so awesome and we had excellent seats, Alyson and I just screamed like tweens seeing Justine Beiber.

Here are some pics, they were with my phone, so sorry for the poor quality

Our close proximity to the stage

They look so tiny!

So hot!

The bright orange head you see in the top center is Gerard Way, standing next to his wife, then Mikey's wife, and the tall skinny blondish guy is Mikey Way. They were standing right below us watching the Smashing Pumpkins. Sqeeee!

Alyson and I all excited. :)

The other bands that played were Switchfoot, Jimmy Eat World, Bad Religion and Smashing Pumpkins. All of who were really awesome. I was however disappointed in the Pumpkins. Especially with them being one of the bigger bands of my adolescent years, their show was really blah and they only played their newer music. But the rest of the show was totally awesome. I already have my tickets to see MCR in May for their actual Danger Days Tour. Yay!!!

Updates

So it seems I owe a few updates. I never talked about the results of my little makeovers, life on Celexa and I never posted pics or a recap from our vacation, which was a lot of fun by the way. So that's my goal for this week to post some updates, then I won't feel as guilty about posting some new stuff. So stay tuned, if there is anyone out there still reading.

First Year

So yesterday was the one year anniversary of us getting the keys the keys to our first house. It has certainly been a year of ups and downs. Broken pipes, broken appliances, painting and the fun of trying to figure out where to find money to fix something else that just went wrong. It certainly hasn't been all roses.

But at the same time, we're still reveling in the idea that this is our house. I love that this is our house. I love this house. There is a lot I still want to do, a lot we've done and I'm sure unexpected problems will arise over the years, and I'm sure I will always have a room I want to paint, or one more piece of furniture that will finish off a room. But through it all I am so proud and happy with our home.
So here are some before and after pics of how the house has changed in a year. Please pardon the mess.

Living room

Bedroom#3

Bedoom #2

Dinning Room

 Kitchen

 Bedroom #1

A lot I still want to do. I think the kitchen is my next project, though it'll be a big one, so I'm saving up the energy. Hopefully a year from now I'll have some pics of the progress we make in the next year.



Moving On

At least preparing to. Two years I was moved into a nice middle level position with the Federal Government. A good stable and flexible job with good benefits and promotion and movement opportunities up the wazoo. Sure it's nowhere near what I'm in any way passionate about. On a daily basis I feel the life being sucked out of my soul and I see those that have been here for 20+ years as either walking corpses or someone who has set up their own mini empire, convinced this base cannot function without them, even though in reality they do nothing and they will more than likely die at their desk because it's all they have left in life. But it pays the bills, helped pay for our house, and pays nicely enough that combined with Chris's job we're comfortable.

And I guess that's the key word. Comfortable. I can easily find myself comfortable here. This job can quickly become a career before I even knew what was happening. I'm paying into a retirement that one day could be my soul source of income. I know my job. I'm familiar with the environment here. I grew up on an Air Force base, so really, it's an essential part of who I am. A huge piece of my life. To find a job somewhere else would mean I'd be leaving that piece behind. Which is really scary.

I had never intended to spend my life here. When I started in a temporary part time job seven years ago, I had no idea I would find myself here. In fact of all the temporary students around from those days, I think I'm the only one still here. Which I consider extremely lucky. I've been right where I needed to be for as long as I've been here. And as the last two years have passed I've become quite comfortable. Since graduating in 2009 it's become increasingly tempting to build a career here. Not the career I've always wanted for myself. But one that's good enough.

But, in contrast, over the last few months there have been small indications that this is not the place for me to set down roots. Nothing specifically big, just little things. It has become increasingly clear to me that I need to get out. I need to move on.

So I'm getting ready too. I applied to grad school and this week was officially accepted. I figure even though it won't be easy and I'm not exactly looking forward to going back to school. I at least owe it to myself to try. To take three years and work towards the career I know I really want.

I'm both excited and terrified. I hope I can do this. Just one year out of school and I'm afraid I've lost my momentum. That I won't be able to keep up anymore. But at the same time I'm really excited to be doing this for myself. To be learning more about what I'm passionate about. And that I'm taking steps that will hopefully open new doors for me.

We are going to continue TTC. I don't want to stop. I feel school is the place I need to be at right now, so I just need to trust that if I got KU it will work out somehow. I may need to take a break it I do. I really hope we don't have to wait another 3 years before we can have a baby. But I also can't keep putting this off just because I *might* get pregnant someday. And that's a BIG might at this point. So we'll just jump of that bridge when we come to it.

But overall, I'm really excited. I'm looking forward to this and the changes it means for Chris's and my future. So back to school I go!

Guess What

 

That's a BFN Pregnancy test there. In case you've never seen one. I have . A lot. So many in fact that I've developed a theory. My theory is that positive pregnancy tests don't actually exist. They don't. They're not real. They're just all a part of the fairly tail lie told when you are a impressionable little girl looking to a life with prince charming and 2-3 little charmings with starry eyes.

25 months. I've peed on a lot of sticks (or dipped the cheapy internet sticks into my pee, always fun) like this in the last 25 months. A LOT. Every single one with the same result. What did Einstein say? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. Hmmm……

Long Time, No See

So it's been a while again. And you know, I don't feel guilty at all. I've come to the conclusion that I don't really like posting stuff just for the sake of posting something. And well let's be honest, I'm not that interesting. Just look at the name of the blog. It'll tell you. Plus, I've been enjoying my summer, not being on the computer. Except at work. Where I have no choice but to be chained to the damn thing. I'm really kinda over it. But here are some random things just to let you know I'm still alive and just doing my thang. (That's right, I pulled out a "thang". What'cha gonna do about it? That's what I thought)

~ So pictures. Yeah, I still have them. Ready to be added to the posts that are sitting in my draft folder. You'll get them eventually. I promise. They've been delayed for a few reasons. One being that I'm really pretty unhappy with the quality. All of our cameras really just suck. I really want a new higher quality camera, but I just can't justify spending the cash just to take pics of the latest room I painted. The second is I keep changing little stuff here and there and then the pics I took last week are now obsolete, and I'm pretty sure everyone really wants to see the latest and the greatest. I imagine angry mobs at my door because the pics I posted are a week old and lacking the art I just hung up.  And three of course is the typical laziness.

~There are some big changes in store for the 2011 season of faire. I'm pretty excited, though there are a good amount of people who are not so excited and there are waves of drama flowing through the ranks. This is to be expected, so I just ignore what I can and laugh at the rest and move on with my life. I'll post more about things after some things are a little more solid.

~Chris and I have officially become pet parents. Our precious little cats have us wrapped around their psycho little paws, and the claws and in. They have chicken (canned kitty chicken) given to them twice a day with all their daily natural remedies to help keep they sensitive little tummy's happy. They get a half hour of play time in the evenings. And we spent a boatload of money getting stuff that promises to break your cat from peeing around the house. Which actually seems to be pretty worth it. Lady Jane has managed to not pee in the house in almost a month which is pretty much a miracle of biblical proportions.

~Chris and I are actually going on vacation. With a hotel room booked and paid for and everything. I'm not allowed to say when we are going because Chris is sure someone will somehow know where we live, beat up our housesitter, bust through the security doors and magically figure out the house alarm code and rob us. So, I'll have to save the when for after we get back. But anyway, I am super excited and so ready for the break! SO hopefully I'll have a recap and crappy pics to post soon.

~I've been an exercise fiend lately. I've been desperately trying to get my body to look anything but scary in a swimsuit for vacation. My diet is still wishy washy, but I think the exercise is starting to pay off. I haven't really lost any weight, which is annoying as heck, but things are starting to firm up, which is what is more important to me anyway. I stopped using Spark People all together for now. I got tired of it, but I do still keep mental track of my calories.

~This week Chris and I had our third wedding anniversary. I can't believe how quickly these three years has gone by. And though we've definitely had our moments overall it has been wonderful and I can't imagine another person I'd rather spend my life with. Plus he's super cute. ;)

~We're coming up on the big two year mark for our TTC fail. I'm not at all looking forward to this anniversary. I really never thought it would take this long. We've all but given up for now. I haven't charted in months and thanks to PCOS I really have no idea if I'm even ovulating. This is actually good because it's given me a much needed emotional break this summer. Infertility is just so full of negative crap. Anger, jealousy, sadness, disappointment, depression, emptiness, inadequacy and the list goes on and on. And after a while it gets really hard to separate that from everything else. So, the break has been good. This doesn't mean at all that it's not constantly on my brain, in my thoughts and that the tears don't come. I truly can't imagine ever totally letting go of this. I'm thinking though that this fall we'll get a little more aggressive about things. I do not want to wait another year. But at the same time, I really don't know if emotionally I can handle any more of this. If something like an IUI doesn't work, I'm afraid the despair is just going to be too much to bear. At least right now I don't have much to get my hopes up about.

~Work has been insane busy this summer. We had a huge inspection on base, and everyone has been freaking out. Thankfully after today it's over. I'll be so grateful to have things slow back down around here again.

That's all I can really think about for now. I'll really try to post more when I think about it, if I have something to post. I should have a vacation recap up soon. J

Oh Hai

Oh hello there long lost blog readers! Maybe it was me that was lost. Who knows. Anyway. Sorry I've been lacking in the posting department. A mix of being sick and lazy, plus no decent laptop for two weeks and no internet for a couple of days. But all is mostly back to normal now and I have a few posts in the works and they should be up soon. And more on the back burner of my mind. Lots of pics and lots of changes. So stay tuned.