Updates

So it seems I owe a few updates. I never talked about the results of my little makeovers, life on Celexa and I never posted pics or a recap from our vacation, which was a lot of fun by the way. So that's my goal for this week to post some updates, then I won't feel as guilty about posting some new stuff. So stay tuned, if there is anyone out there still reading.

First Year

So yesterday was the one year anniversary of us getting the keys the keys to our first house. It has certainly been a year of ups and downs. Broken pipes, broken appliances, painting and the fun of trying to figure out where to find money to fix something else that just went wrong. It certainly hasn't been all roses.

But at the same time, we're still reveling in the idea that this is our house. I love that this is our house. I love this house. There is a lot I still want to do, a lot we've done and I'm sure unexpected problems will arise over the years, and I'm sure I will always have a room I want to paint, or one more piece of furniture that will finish off a room. But through it all I am so proud and happy with our home.
So here are some before and after pics of how the house has changed in a year. Please pardon the mess.

Living room

Bedroom#3

Bedoom #2

Dinning Room

 Kitchen

 Bedroom #1

A lot I still want to do. I think the kitchen is my next project, though it'll be a big one, so I'm saving up the energy. Hopefully a year from now I'll have some pics of the progress we make in the next year.



Moving On

At least preparing to. Two years I was moved into a nice middle level position with the Federal Government. A good stable and flexible job with good benefits and promotion and movement opportunities up the wazoo. Sure it's nowhere near what I'm in any way passionate about. On a daily basis I feel the life being sucked out of my soul and I see those that have been here for 20+ years as either walking corpses or someone who has set up their own mini empire, convinced this base cannot function without them, even though in reality they do nothing and they will more than likely die at their desk because it's all they have left in life. But it pays the bills, helped pay for our house, and pays nicely enough that combined with Chris's job we're comfortable.

And I guess that's the key word. Comfortable. I can easily find myself comfortable here. This job can quickly become a career before I even knew what was happening. I'm paying into a retirement that one day could be my soul source of income. I know my job. I'm familiar with the environment here. I grew up on an Air Force base, so really, it's an essential part of who I am. A huge piece of my life. To find a job somewhere else would mean I'd be leaving that piece behind. Which is really scary.

I had never intended to spend my life here. When I started in a temporary part time job seven years ago, I had no idea I would find myself here. In fact of all the temporary students around from those days, I think I'm the only one still here. Which I consider extremely lucky. I've been right where I needed to be for as long as I've been here. And as the last two years have passed I've become quite comfortable. Since graduating in 2009 it's become increasingly tempting to build a career here. Not the career I've always wanted for myself. But one that's good enough.

But, in contrast, over the last few months there have been small indications that this is not the place for me to set down roots. Nothing specifically big, just little things. It has become increasingly clear to me that I need to get out. I need to move on.

So I'm getting ready too. I applied to grad school and this week was officially accepted. I figure even though it won't be easy and I'm not exactly looking forward to going back to school. I at least owe it to myself to try. To take three years and work towards the career I know I really want.

I'm both excited and terrified. I hope I can do this. Just one year out of school and I'm afraid I've lost my momentum. That I won't be able to keep up anymore. But at the same time I'm really excited to be doing this for myself. To be learning more about what I'm passionate about. And that I'm taking steps that will hopefully open new doors for me.

We are going to continue TTC. I don't want to stop. I feel school is the place I need to be at right now, so I just need to trust that if I got KU it will work out somehow. I may need to take a break it I do. I really hope we don't have to wait another 3 years before we can have a baby. But I also can't keep putting this off just because I *might* get pregnant someday. And that's a BIG might at this point. So we'll just jump of that bridge when we come to it.

But overall, I'm really excited. I'm looking forward to this and the changes it means for Chris's and my future. So back to school I go!

Guess What

 

That's a BFN Pregnancy test there. In case you've never seen one. I have . A lot. So many in fact that I've developed a theory. My theory is that positive pregnancy tests don't actually exist. They don't. They're not real. They're just all a part of the fairly tail lie told when you are a impressionable little girl looking to a life with prince charming and 2-3 little charmings with starry eyes.

25 months. I've peed on a lot of sticks (or dipped the cheapy internet sticks into my pee, always fun) like this in the last 25 months. A LOT. Every single one with the same result. What did Einstein say? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. Hmmm……

Long Time, No See

So it's been a while again. And you know, I don't feel guilty at all. I've come to the conclusion that I don't really like posting stuff just for the sake of posting something. And well let's be honest, I'm not that interesting. Just look at the name of the blog. It'll tell you. Plus, I've been enjoying my summer, not being on the computer. Except at work. Where I have no choice but to be chained to the damn thing. I'm really kinda over it. But here are some random things just to let you know I'm still alive and just doing my thang. (That's right, I pulled out a "thang". What'cha gonna do about it? That's what I thought)

~ So pictures. Yeah, I still have them. Ready to be added to the posts that are sitting in my draft folder. You'll get them eventually. I promise. They've been delayed for a few reasons. One being that I'm really pretty unhappy with the quality. All of our cameras really just suck. I really want a new higher quality camera, but I just can't justify spending the cash just to take pics of the latest room I painted. The second is I keep changing little stuff here and there and then the pics I took last week are now obsolete, and I'm pretty sure everyone really wants to see the latest and the greatest. I imagine angry mobs at my door because the pics I posted are a week old and lacking the art I just hung up.  And three of course is the typical laziness.

~There are some big changes in store for the 2011 season of faire. I'm pretty excited, though there are a good amount of people who are not so excited and there are waves of drama flowing through the ranks. This is to be expected, so I just ignore what I can and laugh at the rest and move on with my life. I'll post more about things after some things are a little more solid.

~Chris and I have officially become pet parents. Our precious little cats have us wrapped around their psycho little paws, and the claws and in. They have chicken (canned kitty chicken) given to them twice a day with all their daily natural remedies to help keep they sensitive little tummy's happy. They get a half hour of play time in the evenings. And we spent a boatload of money getting stuff that promises to break your cat from peeing around the house. Which actually seems to be pretty worth it. Lady Jane has managed to not pee in the house in almost a month which is pretty much a miracle of biblical proportions.

~Chris and I are actually going on vacation. With a hotel room booked and paid for and everything. I'm not allowed to say when we are going because Chris is sure someone will somehow know where we live, beat up our housesitter, bust through the security doors and magically figure out the house alarm code and rob us. So, I'll have to save the when for after we get back. But anyway, I am super excited and so ready for the break! SO hopefully I'll have a recap and crappy pics to post soon.

~I've been an exercise fiend lately. I've been desperately trying to get my body to look anything but scary in a swimsuit for vacation. My diet is still wishy washy, but I think the exercise is starting to pay off. I haven't really lost any weight, which is annoying as heck, but things are starting to firm up, which is what is more important to me anyway. I stopped using Spark People all together for now. I got tired of it, but I do still keep mental track of my calories.

~This week Chris and I had our third wedding anniversary. I can't believe how quickly these three years has gone by. And though we've definitely had our moments overall it has been wonderful and I can't imagine another person I'd rather spend my life with. Plus he's super cute. ;)

~We're coming up on the big two year mark for our TTC fail. I'm not at all looking forward to this anniversary. I really never thought it would take this long. We've all but given up for now. I haven't charted in months and thanks to PCOS I really have no idea if I'm even ovulating. This is actually good because it's given me a much needed emotional break this summer. Infertility is just so full of negative crap. Anger, jealousy, sadness, disappointment, depression, emptiness, inadequacy and the list goes on and on. And after a while it gets really hard to separate that from everything else. So, the break has been good. This doesn't mean at all that it's not constantly on my brain, in my thoughts and that the tears don't come. I truly can't imagine ever totally letting go of this. I'm thinking though that this fall we'll get a little more aggressive about things. I do not want to wait another year. But at the same time, I really don't know if emotionally I can handle any more of this. If something like an IUI doesn't work, I'm afraid the despair is just going to be too much to bear. At least right now I don't have much to get my hopes up about.

~Work has been insane busy this summer. We had a huge inspection on base, and everyone has been freaking out. Thankfully after today it's over. I'll be so grateful to have things slow back down around here again.

That's all I can really think about for now. I'll really try to post more when I think about it, if I have something to post. I should have a vacation recap up soon. J

Oh Hai

Oh hello there long lost blog readers! Maybe it was me that was lost. Who knows. Anyway. Sorry I've been lacking in the posting department. A mix of being sick and lazy, plus no decent laptop for two weeks and no internet for a couple of days. But all is mostly back to normal now and I have a few posts in the works and they should be up soon. And more on the back burner of my mind. Lots of pics and lots of changes. So stay tuned.

Random Crap

I actually wrote most of this post over a week ago and forgot to post it. Than a lot of what I talked about here changed. So here is the update to the post you never read. Yay!

 

OK, this will be much more condensed this time. I promise.

- I've become mildly obsessed with HGTV. A TV channel I barely knew existed 3 months ago is now my default channel. I love watched the redecoration shows and the home buying shows. My favorite is now House Hunters International. Which I just found out last night that the show is actually staged. To say I'm disappointed would be an understatement.

- I had every intension last week of completely forgetting my age and going to the midnight premier of Eclipse. Unfortunately real life and reality of home ownership reared its head when Chris called as I reached the theater with the news that our sewer was backing up into the house. Thankfully it wasn't too bad and wit was easily fixed the next day, but still, not being able to use your toilet for a night is kinda rough.

- Chris got his deep cleaning last Wednesday. He was stressing out about this almost as if the dentist had said he was pulling out each tooth and replacing it barbed wire without any pain meds. The whole thing actually went completely without incident. The dentist completed the whole thing in one sitting and he didn't even need any Novocain. However, it may be a few weeks for his emotions to recover.

- We finally got rid of one of our old couches. The other is in our office where it works actually pretty well, but is supposed to go to Chris's sister whenever she can find a way to get it to Arizona. The house is starting to feel more and more ours. Right now I mostly want to get rid of the ugly valences that she had up. They're so ugly and even worse, they're from the previous owners. I just want them gone. But new valences are like $15 each and I need at least 10 for the living and dining rooms (big window) and another 6 for the bedroom. That's way too much money. S they stay. Sadly.

- Bart has become beyond obsessed with getting outside and will stand at the door and just cry pathetically. I've noticed lately that he's picking up some real bad habits to get what he wants. Some training may be in order.

- I've had little to no desire to do any work lately. It's not that I don't have plenty to do. I just have no desire or motivation to do any of it. I'm so tired at work, and typically spend the day wishing I was home, where I can accomplish the things I'd really would rather be accomplishing and counting the hours until my next day off.

- I'm going kinda crazy waiting for MCR to finally announce the release of their new CD.

- At this point Chris and I doing any sort of vacation this summer is looking more and more like it's just not happening. I am pretty disappointed/upset about this. At this point I don't think we'll ever be able to have an actual vacation.

- We've been discussing getting me a new car. I'm torn because I have a little over a year and my car will be paid off. I do like my car, my first brand new car and it's been a great car. But it's coming up to a mileage where taking care of it is going to start getting expensive. I have equity into the car so we're pretty sure I can get a better car for similar payments a month. A new car would be nice. But I'm not sure I'd want to leave a new car at the vanpool meeting spot at the Wal-Mart parking lot or take a new car out to the faire site and leave it in the dirt parking lot. If I knew we would have a baby then I would probably take the plunge for a more family friendly car, but I'm not sure I want to if that never happens. If it's just gonna be the two of us might as well go for the smaller 2-door. Anyway, we started looking last week and I like some of the options. And we'll probably so some more looking this weekend. A lot will depend on if Chris's sister wants to buy my car or not.